Personal Management 101: Taking back control of your inbox and social media alerts

Nine or ten thousand unread emails seems to be normal for typical student these days. And then they wonder why they might not have seen that important email from me! Or why they did see it, marked it as unread, and subsequently forgot to respond. Somebody’s (or many-bodies) inbox needs sorting out!

And here’s some handy tips to help you do just that.


Understand the importance of email

No doubt, you’re used to receiving communications in a variety of formats on a daily basis. WhatsApp messages, Twitter mentions and DMs, text messages, emails to multiple accounts, not to mention communication via Snapchat, Instagram, and all the other social media platforms that you’re signed up to. On top of that there are the occasional to rare phonecalls. Sometimes working out what’s important or not important can be very difficult. I’m even reliably informed that people’s mums prefer to WhatsApp their children than call them these days, so, yes, understanding what’s important can be close to impossible.

Outside of work settings, emails – which revolutionised communication in the nineties (before that it was just fax machines, the postal system, and good old-fashioned landlines, when they were just called telephones because there was no other type of phone) – have quickly gone out of fashion. Everyone has an email account (if not 3 or 4), but for many it’s a less than popular form of communication. Fair enough. Apart from the fact that some very important information is still passed on via email. Those who work in the real world (university lecturers, sports scholarship providers, national governing bodies, prospective employers – the important people, basically) are not just more likely to contact you by email, but in some cases it is the only form of communication open to them. Emails are important! University emails are particularly important, and while you may not want to receive emails berating you for not attending class, they may still be useful and important. Get into the habit of checking your university email account on a regular basis.


Deal with things straight away

Delete unwanted emails when you see them. Respond to emails that require a response straight away – you’re going to have to respond anyway, so why not do it now. If you don’t have time to respond, then why are you checking your emails right now? Find a time of the day where you can check your emails, delete unwanted ones, and respond where appropriate.


Reduce the number of promotional emails you receive

The biggest contributor to unread emails are promotional newsletters from companies which you have purchased things from before. They are emails which you never will, or never have to, read. Booking.com is a major offender, along with other hotel and travel sites, online retailers, etc. They send you emails for no other reason than to promote further products and services to you. Reducing or getting rid of these is a good starting point.

1. Take note of the people you get emails from that you never read
2. Unsubscribe from their mailing list (all promotional emails should have an ‘unsubscribe’ option at the bottom. Some email providers, e.g. Hotmail, will let you delete old emails from that sender when unsubscribing)
3. If you’re worried that you won’t be able to receive important emails from these people (e.g. booking confirmations), you should still be able to update your preferences
4. When buying online in the future, make sure that you untick the box to receive further promotional information from these suppliers (or tick the box that says you don’t want to receive their promotional emails)

Some providers offer additional tidy-up features and tools to help you stay on top of your important emails. Gmail, for example, gives you the option to separate your inbox into personal, social and promotional folders. It is not completely fool proof, in that some important emails can end up in the social or promotional folders, but it is a good starting point.


Reduce your social media alert emails

Social media alerts are another big contributor to unread emails. All social media platforms will give you the option to select what alerts you receive. In most cases you will only need to know when someone has sent you a direct message that you may need to respond to. You don’t need to know that Jonny responded to Mary’s post or that Paddy liked Jimmy’s picture. When you get an email about something on social media, it should be a prompt to check that social media platform and respond accordingly (not that most people need reminding that to check their social media accounts these days).


Remember junk is not always junk

Occasionally, important emails can end up in your junk email. Check your junk folder from time to time and make sure that no genuine mail is ending up in there. Sometimes emails from senders you don’t respond to, or emails that are sent to multiple recipients can inadvertently end up with the spam folder alongside the offers of money from Nigerian princes, and the phishing emails from fake Paypal accounts. If valuable emails are ending up in the junk folder, take time to mark them as safe, and add the sender to your safe list. If you’re a little unsure if someone is genuine or not, hovering over the sender to see what their email address is, is usually a good starting point. Most scammers have very fake looking addresses.


Get over the FOMO!

We probably all suffer a bit from the fear of missing out. But while we’re so busy making sure that we’re not missing out on social media conversations and updates, we’re actually missing out on what’s going on around us. Yes, the internet can help you stay in touch with friends, help you punch in time while on a bus or waiting in a queue, and be an important source of information, but you should never be living your entire life via the internet and social media. Decide what things you need to be informed of (and the latest Kim Kardashian news probably isn’t really that interesting), what alerts you really need to receive on your phone (remembering that you don’t need your phone to ‘ding’ every time someone shares a rabbit-ear selfie of themselves), what you really need the internet for, and then get busy living your real life. Give the real world your full attention.


Reduce study-time distractions

Many students tell me that they can’t study at home. That there are too many distractions. That the only place they can study is in the library, and that getting to the library takes up too much time. Realising that their phone is the biggest distraction, and learning to put it away during study time, can revolutionise their productivity and how they study. Unless you’re waiting for an important phonecall, you don’t need your phone anywhere near you while you’re studying. Be disciplined. And if you do need the internet to check facts or get additional information, make a list of things you need to look up, and do them all together when you need a break after a productive hour or two. If you are working on a laptop, PC or tablet, make sure that you don’t have notifications popping up in the corner and distracting you from what you should be doing.


There are numerous different ways of communicating. Yes, there will be important stuff that you shouldn’t miss (emails from your university, what’s app notifications from your club, perhaps, and text messages from your mum), but you don’t always need to know what everyone else is doing and thinking every moment of every day. Monitor what is important to you, and take steps to ensure that you receive the important stuff, and are not distracted by they unimportant stuff. Taking a few easy steps will help ensure that you are living the life you want for yourself, not somebody else’s fake social media life.

Personal development concepts: a bias for action

I was first introduced to the concept of 'a bias for action' when reading the excellent The Skilled Helper, by Gerard Egan (no relation), six years ago. The book was one of the main texts for a course in career counselling that I was studying for at the time, but which I never managed to complete (the course that is; I still have aspirations of finishing the book), and, somewhat ironically, the phrase 'a bias for action' resonated with me. It is one of the main values which I constantly endeavour to bring to my consultations with athletes.

'A bias for action' is a term often used in the business world. In that sphere it refers to the "propensity to act or decide without customary analysis or sufficient information, to 'just do it' and contemplate later" (ref: thebusinessdictionary.com). In the business world, it is rarely the most effective way of doing things and is typified by people attempting to simply look busy, feel productive, or to be seen to be making a difference.

The term has a slightly different meaning in the helping context, though in certain contexts, there is a value to doing things for the sake of doing something, not over analysing and just trying things out. 

In essence, those with a bias for action are doers rather than bystanders. They set and pursue life goals, they take responsibility for their actions and they persist against obstacles. According to Egan, bias for action is one of the key values that drive the helping relationship. "The doer is more likely to move beyond problem management to opportunity development" (Egan 2007, p61).

The overall goal of the 'helping' practitioner - in this case the personal development/lifestyle support practitioners - is to help the client (athlete) become more effective in managing problems and developing opportunities. This involves helping them "become more effective 'agents' in the helping process and in their daily lives - doers rather than mere reactors, preventers rather than fixers, initiators rather than followers" (Egan, 2007, p61).

The practitioner should adopt a bias for action themselves, as well as help the athlete become doers and active agents for themselves. During consultations, practitioners with a bias for action will question what more they can do to increase the chances of the athlete taking action and solving their own problems in an intelligent and prudent way. Relationship building is a fundamental part of the 'helping' process but it shouldn't get in the way of solving problems and developing opportunities. Councelling and coaching are often seen as simply listening to the client, and yes, listening is an important component, since, afterall, we can't actually advise the client or take action on their behalf. But we can facilitate them to take action.

Egan goes on to talk about non-discretionary and discretionary change. Non-discretionary change is something that is mandated to us; something that we have to change in order to achieve a certain outcome. In the high performance sport context, a governing body might tell an athlete that unless they start attending their strength and conditioning sessions, they will be removed from funding. If they want to remain on funding, they must make the change.

Discretionary change, on the other hand, is something that we choose to do simply to improve our situation. Human nature means that if we don't have to change, we generally don't. We generally think that others should change first and that we will only change if we absolutely have to. This is the reality that we as helpers need to be aware of. Having a bias for action will help promote discretionary change.

Take, for example, an athlete who expresses concern over how their coach-athlete relationship has developed. They might feel that they are not having enough input into their development. The relationship which worked well when they were a junior athlete is no longer optimal. Often, however, the athlete in this situation isn't motivated enough to have a conversation with the coach about how they fell, and how they can work together to change the situation. Before long, the athlete's performances start to drop, they blame the coach, trust is lost, and something which could have been fixed with a conversation and some basic discretionary change, requires drastic intervention. The athlete will often end up changing coaches or moving training groups. Helpers with a bias for action would encourage action when concern was first expressed.

In many cases, simply taking action can help an individual to feel better about themselves. Take and injured athlete for example. In most cases, athletes who take control of the situation will fare much better psychologically (and probably physically) than those that don't. Whether it is just making an appointment with the physiotherapist, doing rehab exercises, or hitting the cross-training, each action that an athlete takes is a step closer to getting better. Deciding, after weighing up all the options, to use the injury as an opportunity for a prolonged rest is, in itself, action.

And not all action has to take place in the consultation itself. In fact, most of it will occur between sessions. There are normally 4 to 8 weeks between my consultations with athletes. In order to promote action, at the end of a session I will ask them to summarise how they now feel about the situation that we have discussed, and ask them what actions they are going to take before the next session. Depending on the situation, I may follow up via email. At the start of the following session I will ask the athlete what actions they have taken following our previous session.

If you would like to learn more about bias for action and other aspects of Egan's Skilled Helper Model, purchase the book via the link below.

The Olympic Creed: Living it out in your sporting lives

Amid a backdrop of corruption allegations, selection controversies and doping scandals, the latest edition of 'the greatest show on earth' is fast approaching. When Pierre de Coubertin set up the modern Olympic Games 120 years ago, he could hardly have imagined, firstly, how big the Games would become and, secondly, just how far removed the modern day ethos of the Olympics would appear to be from that he originally envisaged.

The Olympic creed come's from de Coubertin's words spoken at a reception in 1908, words which had been inspired by those of Ethelbert Talbot, Bishop of Pennsylvania.

"The most important thing in the Olympic Games is not to win but to take part, just as the most important thing in life is not the triumph but the struggle. The essential thing is not to have conquered but to have fought well",

No matter how commercialised the games have become, or how much the desire to win at all costs removes us from de Coubertin's original vision, it is important to regularly remind ourselves of the creed on which the modern Olympic Games were built, and to ask ourselves whether or not we're doing everything we can to live out that creed in our everyday sporting lives, whether we be a weekend warrior or an Olympic medallist, because, at the end of the day, it doesn't matter whether or not everyone else is living out the Olympic spirit, if, when we reach our 'Olympic' moment, we get that warm fuzzy feeling inside knowing that we have both struggled and fought well, and done so with honour and integrity.

Irish Olympian Ciarán O'Lionaird said it best when he posted the following on his Facebook page earlier this week:

And remembering that the struggle is more important than the triumph doesn't mean that we have to give up on victory, or reduce or sporting goals in any way. Going about achieving success in a way that is true to the Oath may even make us more successful.

Here are some ideas on how we can apply the true Olympic spirit (not the win at all costs one), to our everyday sporting lives. Please feel free to add any further suggestions that you might have as comments below.

1. Don't forget to enjoy the moment, whether that's at a national championship or an Olympic Games. You've earned your place on the start line. This is what you do. Take a moment to take it all in.

2. Whether you win or loose, shake the hands of your fellow competitors. Without them there is no battle to win.

3. Be gracious in defeat, and humble in victory, but don't let that stop you feeling the emotions your win or defeat has created.

4. Play by the rules, and by the spirit of the game.

5. Set goals with are both stretching and realistic. Challenge yourself. Strive towards your goals.

6. Thank your coaches.

7. Encourage others.

Mood cards and understanding our emotions

Recognising and understanding our emotions and knowing how to deal with them is an important skill for managing our lives both on and off the sporting field. Whether it's managing pre-competition nerves, dealing with anger on the pitch or learning how anxieties and fears about our personal lives are holding us back, moods and emotions constantly need to be managed. 

That's not to say that we should bottle up anger, fear, anxiety and other emotions which are perceived to be negative, and constantly exude happiness, excitement, love and hope. Quite the opposite is true. Expressing our emotions, both positive and negative, can help us to better cope with life, but recognising the emotions that drain our energy, the thoughts that we associate with certain emotions, and the situations that initiate or prolong negative emotions can help us deal with them. Sometimes emotions just need to be acknowledged.

Take the mood of depression*, for example. Feeling depressed is rarely a positive experience. Sometimes we feel depressed for no real reason. Sometimes it's something we feel when we're bored or have reached a crossroads in our lives. Sometimes it's something we experience in the lul period after a big event or time of extreme excitement or on a Monday morning after a particularly big weekend. Sometimes it's one of the many feelings we experience when we get sudden or unwanted news, experience an injury or go through a breakup. Depressed moods can also be associated with female hormone fluctuations (periods, in other words) and low iron levels. 

When we are feeling depressed, we may find ourselves crying unexpectedly, we may have a more negative outlook on life that usual, our lust for life may have temporarily disappeared, or we may find that we simply do not feel anything. In some situations we simply have to go through the emotions (or lack of), cry the tears and feel sorry for ourselves, for a while. But recognising and acknowledging the mood can help us to deal with it quickly. Acknowledge what is making you feel depressed. Ask yourself what you can do to change your situation. Think of a time when you were in a happier mood and what your outlook on life was then. Acknowledge the emotion, take time to deal with it, talk it through with someone or write down your feelings, and, when you're ready, move on. (If your depressed mood lasts longer than expected or becomes uncontrollable, make sure that you seek appropriate help.)

While I generally avoid labels and categorising things, I have found the naming and recognition of moods and emotions particularly useful, both personally and for some of the athletes I work with. A few months back, when looking for mood scales on the internet, I came across this particularly useful tool - a set of mood cards which each have a mood or emotion on them, a face representing that emotion and a phrase associated with the emotion. On the reverse of each card is a series of questions and an affirmation relating to that emotion. They are a great tool for personal exploration, group work, and one-on-one therapy sessions. They are probably the most useful and versatile I currently have in my toolbox.

*Depression can refer to both a mood or emotion and a mental illness. Unfortunately, because of the lingering taboos associated with the mental illness, we shy away from describing our emotions and feelings as being depressed. We don't want to be labelled as having depression or not being able to cope, but truth is that most people experience a depressed mood on a relatively regular basis. That doesn't mean that they have a mental illness. However, failing to deal with a lingering or severely depressed mood may predispose or lead to depression.